How to talk about your health
Trying to explain to someone why you can’t do something because of your physical or mental health can be difficult. Very difficult. Regardless of whether it’s an important, formal conversation or a casual chat with someone you know, it can quickly become uncomfortable.
To help you, I’ve created this simple guide. We’ll use some interesting influencing techniques to help people understand and get that important message across.
I know it’s difficult, I’ve been there myself. This means you can learn from my unique experience and some very effective psychology. We’re going to look closely at four personality types, and work out how they are likely to react when we tell them about our health.
Before I begin, It may help you to know that I’m not a huge fan of personality testing. I’ve heard it described as ‘horoscopes for business people’ and I can’t say I disagree. The science doesn’t always seem to agree with these either. I think the problem for me is that they’re often too complex and we expect them to do all the work for us.
There’s a simple matrix I like to use, that I’ve found very effective. We’re going to examine four types of people, and we’ll give each of them a colour.
We’re going to divide these people between introverts and extroverts. We’ll then separate them between those who are more likely to think and those who are more likely to feel.
While there will always be exceptions and people who fall between these lines, most people I speak to about this soon find themselves thinking of familiar examples. I’ll explain each personality type as we go through them and then explore how they are likely to react when we talk about our health.
You’ll get plenty of suggestions that will help you interact with them and as always, I’ll break it down into three easy things. Let’s start off with an interesting one.
Blues
These are people who will be introverted and are far more likely to think than feel. I think they can be summed up easily in just one line. Think Mr Spock from Star Trek.
Blues are likely to be logical and methodical.
If I have to influence a blue, I’ll take this approach. I’ll also use this example for all the colours we’re about to explore.
If I was selling a blue a smartphone, they probably wouldn’t care how expensive or fashionable it was. They probably wouldn’t care what people thought about them while they were using it either. They would probably care about the speed of the processor though, the time it took to charge it and exact specs of the camera. Details, details, details.
You’ll often find that blues make great engineers, academics and scientists. You’re probably already thinking of someone you know like this and it’s probably obvious by now how hard it could be to talk about your health.
Imagine you were telling a blue about your health. Their response to this could upset you.
They may appear dismissive and maybe a little sceptical. They may ask questions that could make things a little awkward or expect to know exact details about your condition. You might also get the impression they’ve made their mind up, or that they don’t really understand.
Remember what I said. Details, details, details.
If it becomes clear you are talking to a blue about your health and want them to relate to you, this is how I would approach it.
Like selling them a smartphone, I would try to focus on facts and logic. If it was me, I would focus on how my health issues affect me. I’d clearly explain the things I can do and the things I can’t. I’d give factual examples and clearly explain why. Details, details, details.
I would also highlight the consequences of what could happen if I’m not careful and all the practical things I do to manage my condition.
As I’ve suggested, it can be incredibly frustrating talking to a blue about your health. You could easily find them cold and detached and feel upset by their apparent lack of empathy and understanding. Just do me a favour though, and consider the following things.
It’s not uncommon for a blue to be on the autistic spectrum. Some people may be incapable of feeling things the same way as you. My advice is to try to consider what it’s like for a blue. It’s not inconceivable that they may even act the same way if a family member was telling them about their health.
While we may not agree with them and we may not like the way they act, we can try to respond rather than react. I don’t think emotion will help here. We can be mindful of their position and the way they naturally react to the world. At this point, it’s worth reminding yourself that acceptance is very different from agreement.
There’s an important caveat though, as we should only accept what is reasonable. Anything unprofessional, rude or abusive will of course need to be challenged.
Remember these three easy things if you’re talking to a blue about your health:
Details, details details
They are likely to treat everyone like this
Respond, don’t react
Now let’s look at what I think is the most challenging personality type.
Reds
Reds are extroverts who are likely to think rather than feel. They will often be found in leadership positions and it’s not uncommon for them to try to direct and instruct the people they deal with.
It’s a safe bet that a red will have to be right.
You’re probably thinking of a red you know right now. It’s often the case that they aren’t the best listeners, as they want to quickly make judgments and then enforce them. When their mind is made up, it can often be incredibly difficult to change it.
Things can quickly become incredibly competitive with reds as well. They may also have a clear focus on what benefits them, rather than others.
Unfortunately, as you may have guessed this behaviour can lead people to feel intimidated, upset and even bullied. Without boundaries, a red could do a lot of damage. While I’m in no way saying this is the case for everyone who exhibits these traits, I think it’s really important to take a close look at reds when we explore how we can talk about our health.
If I’m selling a red a smartphone, I’ll focus on how expensive and exclusive it is. How it’s going to make people notice who they are. Don’t try to convince them though, as they will need to feel they’ve made the decision themselves. They also tend to do this pretty quickly.
Regardless of the type of conversation you’re having, a red could attribute poor health with weakness and be incredibly dismissive. A need to control situations or constantly project authority could also make it hard to reach an understanding.
Remember, reds often need to be right, so it might not be a surprise if they think they know more than someone’s doctor. This can be very difficult.
If you do need to speak to a red about your health, remember how I’d sell them a smartphone. Focus on your positive stories. In professional settings, let them know that whatever adjustments and support you need won’t stop you adding value. Give examples of times you’ve overcome challenges and persevered.
I’d keep things short and simple if you’re speaking to a red. Focus on positives and the practical aspects. Don’t try to change their minds head on. They will need to feel like they have made decisions.
I think the problem with a lot of reds is that they often have a habit of convincing the rest of us they are right and we should adapt to them. I don’t think this is the case though.
Although it can clearly be difficult, I think the best way to deal with a red is to take a mindful approach. I often view them in the same way I would a petulant child having a tantrum in a supermarket. I can smile. I can appreciate the futility of the approach and how it can prevent people from obtaining the things that truly matter.
There are two questions I often ask myself when I see the more extreme cases, where the type of behaviour I’ve described appears to a conscious choice. What happened to them? What’s missing?
Remember these three easy things if you’re talking to a red about your health:
They will often make quick decisions and stick to them
If you need to change their mind, make them think they have made a decision
Remember they are not always right
We’ll now explore the people who want to be noticed.
Yellows
Yellows are extroverts who tend to feel rather than think. It should be easy to spot a yellow, as they will usually be outgoing and social. They will probably talk with their hands and wear clothes that immediately attract your attention. Expect them to be different and be doing everything they can to stand out and make an impression.
You’ll often find yellows in creative environments.
Like reds, yellows often think of themselves. The key difference here though is that they’re highly likely to genuinely care what all people think about them, not just their boss. It’s unlikely to be part of a plan or an agenda.
They will need to be liked. They will want to feel appreciated. New things and novelty will probably get their attention as well.
If I’m selling a yellow a smartphone, I focus on the social features that will help them connect with people. I let them see how they can use it to express themselves. I focus on exciting features and how they can show them off to other people. We would probably have an engaging and excitable chat as I was doing it. Try to make them make a quick decision though, as their attention could quickly move on to the next new and exciting thing.
The problem we experience when talking about our health to a yellow is that they’re likely to focus on themselves. Don’t be surprised if a yellow tries to make a theatrical, overblown and very public show of support, but then forget about you. It may not be personal, they may simply be distracted by the next new and exciting thing that comes along.
Don’t be surprised if their motivation is looking like they are helping you. The worst thing is, a lot of yellows may not actually realise they are doing this. They may also express concerns about your health out loud.
Remember, if you need to convince them to take your health seriously you usually need to make it about them. Make it clear how other people are likely to notice and appreciate them helping you or giving you an opportunity.
My final bit of advice with a yellow is that life might be a little bit difficult for them. All that rushing around trying to attract attention and the distractions it brings is probably more difficult than you think. Just remember what I’ve said and why this is happening. They usually mean well. They may also want the world to see them smiling all the time.
Like a blue though, we will still need to challenge behaviour that isn’t acceptable.
Remember these three easy things if you’re talking to a yellow about your health:
Yellows care what people think about them
They may be more focussed on looking like they are helping you
They may say something stupid
Now it’s time to take a look at a really nice personality type.
Greens
Greens are introverts who are likely to feel rather than think. Authentic and meaningful connections will probably be important to them. It’s highly likely that professional conversations will soon turn to personal matters, like family.
Greens usually care about people.
You’ll often find greens in meaningful jobs where they get to help people, like caring, teaching and charity work. They will probably value the thoughts and feelings of others and care what people think about them. This is often done in a very selfless way as well.
This can be a problem for them though, as they’ll often lack confidence and probably won’t push themselves.
If I was selling a smartphone to a green, I would focus on how it will help them keep in contact with their nearest and dearest and make sure they are safe. If I had one, I’d explain how it helps me and how those around me appreciate it. It’s all about positivity and people. I also won’t need to worry too much about them being rude to me or dismissive either.
I’ll get straight to it. I like greens. If I had to talk to someone about my health, or make someone really get it, I would want it to be a green.
Greens are likely to understand. To sympathise. If you tell them what you’ve been through, they are sure to see how awful things must have been for you. It’s not about the consequences for them, it’s not about judging you and it’s not about turning it into a big show of affection. It’s about you.
They will probably respond by comparing it to what a friend or family member has had to face as well. You’re likely to find a sympathetic ear. This can really make a difference and you’re sure to feel better. They will go straight to the feelings and are likely to make you feel valued.
Greens will probably be introverted though. This means that in some cases, you may find it a little difficult talking to them about serious matters. Both of you could also start to feel uncomfortable if things get a little too deep or someone starts to get upset.
On the whole though, you’re likely to have a more pleasant experience talking to a green.
Remember, greens often lack confidence. If you need them to do something, they may dither or be reluctant to take the first step. You’ll probably have to encourage them to take action.
As you may have guessed, I like greens. I think the world needs more greens and they tend to get overshadowed by the other colours. If you’re a green, don’t let them intimidate you and be assured that you can make a difference.
Remember these three easy things if you’re talking to a green about your health:
They are likely to understand
They may hesitate and be afraid of making decisions
They are usually nice people
So that’s it. We’ve explored our four colours and have plenty to think about. I’d just like you to consider a couple of other things though before you go.
I hope this helps and you now feel more confident talking about your health. I hope it also encourages you to see things from a different perspective. This is something I’m incredibly passionate about.
As I’ve said throughout this post, these are all exaggerated examples to give you an idea of what these personality types might be like. People are all unique though and many will surprise you. Seriously, life would be pretty boring if we all just slotted into these boxes.
There’s one more thing. We’ve been focused on people telling other people about our health, but I’d like to flip it around to the other perspective for a moment.
If someone is telling you they can’t do something because of their health, and if for some reason you are struggling to believe them I have a simple question for you. What if you’re wrong? Is it worth taking that risk?
On that note, we also need to remember that when we talk about our health, we have to stick to the facts. We have to be honest. Someone might not believe what they are being told because someone hasn’t been entirely truthful before.
We can’t let this happen. We all have to set the right example. Let’s make things better for everyone.